You used to be a special place
for all my college friends.
A sanctuary in cyberspace,
but every love story ends.
(Facebooooook…..)
Why’d you have to go and lose
your exclusivity?
Now all my nightmares have come true…
my mom just friended me!

Since she joined she spends all her time
checking my news feed.
My interests are no longer
bubble butts and sticky weed.
She whacked my ass on Mafia Wars
and Flixtered “You’ve Got Mail.”
She washed the colors with the whites
and posted “laundry fail” (’cause now)…

My mom’s on Facebook.
She found a new way to nag me.
My mom’s on Facebook.
Comments whenever friends tag me.
My mom’s on Facebook.
She only got it to stalk me.
My mom’s on Facebook.
My childhood photos cock-block me.

My wall is not for e-mail, mom,
you’ll never get it right.
And gifting me some sexy lips
don’t mean a kiss goodnight.
She keeps on adding all my friends,
they just think she’s a joke…
except for Steve who says that she’s
a mom he’d like to poke. (She’s a M.I.L.P.!)

Mama read my 25 Things
and each and every note.
Now she knows I lost a bet
and had to wax my scrote.
Suggests new pages every day
from “hugs” to “Will and Grace.”
It’s getting to the point I’ll have to
switch back to MySpace. (But not really!)

Wrote in my status,
“boss is keeping me at work.”
Mom responded, “now I see
why you told me he’s a jerk.”
My boss saw it and fired me
and mom’s the reason why.
Now I’m starving and I’m lonely
and I’m probably gonna die… (because)

My mom’s on Facebook.
Now I’ve gotta watch every word.
My mom’s on Facebook.
Oooh, goddamn you, Mark Zuckerburg.
My mom’s on Facebook.
Posted a public reminder…
My mom’s on Facebook.
…that I came out her vagina!

My mom’s on Facebook.
Invited me to my cousin’s communion.
My mom’s on Facebook.
It’s like a family reunion.
My mom’s on Facebook.
I’m trying not to be bitter…
My mom’s on Facebook.
…but she just found me on Twitter!

My mom, your mom, his mom, Steve’s mom… all moms!
They’re all on Facebook.